Technique application: Style
Audience: UVSC and BYU students who are desperate.
Raw:
Has it ever occurred to any of you people that there are more important things to occupy your minds with than getting girls numbers? Do you not realize that running around trying to get as many numbers as you can isn’t going to get you a girlfriend? In case you didn’t know, girls can sense right away what your intentions are and if you’re desperate. Everytime I go to any institute dance or party it seems like everybody is on the look out. They can’t just enjoy themselves because they’re so busy trying to be someone they’re not. My advice to you is this: STOP trying so hard. Relax. Let what’s going to happen happen and take it from there. You will be much happier in the long run.
Revised: (change in style)
I have noticed lately that there are many students who concentrate a lot on getting as many girls numbers as they can. This is a mistake because girls can sense what your intentions are and it will scare them off. When you go to a dance or a social gathering try to enjoy yourself and have fun. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. You will notice that more girls will be interested in giving you their number because they can sense your level of maturity and your confidence.
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1 comment:
I think "guys" might be a better word than "students" - unless of course you have come across girls that are frantically getting other girls phone numbers. [hopefully not] Also, the audience changes from 3rd person ("the students") to second person ("you"). Just some things I noticed.
And yes, I can vouch that girls have those special senses. They can smell fear like a viper smells a mouse a football field away. That's why I like to confuse them with two different smelling Cologne's - it throws off their senses and disorientates them :)
j/k
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